He Took a Flower in its Prime
by Christine M. Greenleaf
Summary: Poison Ivy's world is turned upside down when Dr. Jason Woodrue, the man who transformed her from Pamela Isley into Poison Ivy, comes back into her life to ask for forgiveness. Ivy trusted him once and vows never to do so again, but can she really feel nothing for the man she gave up everything for?
1. Chapter 1

**He Took a Flower in its Prime**

"Harley, you've got a letter," said Dr. Joan Leland, entering the Rec Room of Arkham Asylum and handing Harley Quinn an envelope.

"Thanks, Joan – just add it to the pile," said Harley, not looking up from the table covered with similar envelopes.

Dr. Leland stared at her. "Should I even bother to ask what you're doing?" she said.

"Answering my letters," replied Harley, still not looking up.

"From fans?" asked Poison Ivy, turning away from the TV. "I bet I've got more than you."

"Not from fans, Red – from clients," retorted Harley.

"You've set up a business?" asked Dr. Leland.

"Sorta," replied Harley, looking up last. "I've started up a relationship advice service."

Dr. Leland and Ivy shared a look. "_You're _giving out relationship advice?" said Ivy, incredulously.

"Uh huh," said Harley, reaching for another envelope. "A lotta people out there have problems with their relationships, and I thought I'd try to help them out. Y'know, since I'm one of lucky ones who's in a real happy, steady relationship with a great guy. I just thought I'd pass on some tips and wisdom to people who are less fortunate."

They continued to stare at her. Dr. Leland sighed heavily at last. "I really shouldn't be surprised by the actions of the insane anymore," she muttered, heading for the door.

"Well, Harley gives all of us a bad name," retorted Ivy, turning her attention back to the TV.

"I'm trying to be nice!" snapped Harley. "Some of these people have real problems, Red!"

"Don't get me wrong - I don't have any love of humanity," retorted Ivy. "But if you really cared about people, Harl, you wouldn't go around killing randomers with your boyfriend whenever he feels the urge to murder every five minutes! How many relationships do you think you've ruined that way?!"

"That's completely different!" snapped Harley, grabbing another letter and opening it. "Except here," she snapped. "_Dear Harley, You and the Joker killed my fiance in a robbery last year. He was my one true love and I will never forgive you for ruining my life_…blah, blah, blah, Jesus, get over it already!" she muttered, tossing the letter over her shoulder.

She reached for another one. "See here? I can answer this one! _Dear Harley, I've been dating this guy for five years now. He's really great, but everytime I want to talk about where our relationship is going, he shuts me out and changes the subject. How can I get my boyfriend to commit? Sincerely, Abby. _Dear Abby," said Harley, picking up her pen and beginning to write. "Have you tried getting him into Arkham? It's the best way I know to get someone committed! Ha ha – smiley face. Seriously though, I've been where you are. It's hard to get men to commit to a relationship sometimes. I guess my advice would be…uh…"

She trailed off. "Red, any advice for how to get a guy to commit?"

"Castrate them," Ivy retorted.

"Any _real _advice?" sighed Harley.

"That was real advice," she replied. "It takes away their urge to roam."

"Any less extreme real advice?" she asked. "C'mon, Red, you've been with lots of guys!"

"None of them have been committed," retorted Ivy. "Hence why I'm still free and single. I think men are just biologically incapable of commitment."

"Well, that's not true," said Harley, firmly. "Mr. J's committed for life. And Johnny, you've been in a real committed relationship with Jervis for a long time now, haven't you?"

"I beg your pardon?" snapped Jonathan Crane, looking up from his book.

"You and Jervis," said Harley, smiling at him. "You've been together a lotta years now. I think it's really sweet. How did you get him to commit to you initially though?"

"We're not a couple!" shouted Crane.

"Really? You sure act like one," said Harley.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"Yes, I don't see that at all," spoke up Jervis Tetch, who frowned suddenly and picked a piece of lint off Crane's uniform.

"See, like that!" said Harley. "You do couple things!"

"Just because two people share a close friendship for many years doesn't mean they're in a relationship!" retorted Crane. "That's a terribly offensive thing to presume! Do people think you and Ivy are in a relationship?"

"Some people do," admitted Harley.

"Men, mostly," muttered Ivy. "There's a surprise."

"Well, people are idiots!" snapped Crane. "Jervis and I are not a couple – we're both in love with women!"

"Yeah? Who are you in love with, Johnny?" asked Harley.

He stared at her. "Just…a woman," he snapped. "And that's all I'd care to say on the subject."

"What _have _you done to your uniform, Jonathan?" asked Tetch, frowning as he noticed another stray piece of lint. "You simply must take better care of your things…"

"Stop doing that!" snapped Crane as Tetch brushed off the lint. He stood up. "I'm going to my cell," he muttered.

"Tea's at six!" called Tetch after him. "Don't be late!"

"Yes, I won't – stop nagging me!" retorted Crane. "That's all you ever do anymore, Jervis!"

"Well, forgive me for making tea for you!" sniffed Tetch. "You aren't grateful for anything I do, Jonathan! It wouldn't kill you to say thank you once in a while! It's nice to feel appreciated, you know!"

The door to Crane's cell slammed and Tetch sighed, returning to his book. "He didn't used to be like this," he muttered. "I don't know what's gotten into him lately."

"Aw, don't feel bad, Jervis," said Harley. "Mr. J gets in bad moods and snaps at me all the time! But you two can work it out if you really love each other."

"Believe me, my dear, as much as it would make both our lives simpler if we were in love with each other, sadly we both yearn for a lady we cannot have," sighed Tetch. "Call it the bitter jest of fate, if you will."

"Did somebody say jest?" asked the Joker, entering the room and smiling.

"Yeah, Jervis was just saying how it's sad that he and Johnny ain't gay, since it would solve their whole unrequited love problem," said Harley, nodding.

"Being gay would solve all my problems too," agreed Ivy. "It would mean I'd never have to deal with another man ever again."

"You saying all your problems involve men?" asked Joker. "I admit my main one does, but what a man!" he sighed.

"Speaking of being gay," muttered Ivy.

"Mr. J ain't gay!" snapped Harley. "He and I have got a fantastic relationship, which is why I'm qualified to give other people relationship advice! Though I really ain't sure how to answer this one," she sighed. "Mr. J, how do you make a guy commit?"

"Stick 'em in Arkham!" chuckled Joker.

"I already made that joke," retorted Harley.

"Really?" said Joker, frowning. "I don't like that – it means we're doing that couple thing of being predictable and finishing each other's sentences."

"Jonathan and I don't do that," sniffed Tetch. "He can't even quote half of _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_."

"How to make a guy commit," said Joker, thoughtfully. "I guess you gotta cause trouble and set traps to kill him night after night, and he'll keep walking right into them. Can't resist, for some reason. He'll never leave as long as you keep doing that. True love if I ever saw it!" he chuckled.

"I guess that works," sighed Harley. "Make a guy commit by setting up traps to kill him," she wrote. "Best wishes, Harley. Next one," she said, reaching for another envelope. "_Dear Harley, My husband and I have a great relationship, but lately the spark seems to have gone out of our sex lives. Any advice for spicing things up in the bedroom? Sincerely, Erika. _Now this one I can do! Dear Erika," she wrote. "Have you ever tried using gag items during intercourse? I really recommend the whoopie cushion…"

"Ok, if you're gonna continue thinking out loud, I'm going back to my cell," interrupted Ivy, standing up.

"Hang on, Pammie, one of these is addressed to you," said Joker, who had been going through the envelopes.

"Me?" said Ivy, puzzled. "Who would be writing to me?"

"I dunno," said Joker, squinting at the return address. "Jason…somebody? Jason Wood…Jesus, he's got terrible handwriting. Figures, says he's a doctor. Dr. Jason Woodrue, I think it says?"

A strange thing happened to Ivy at the mention of that name. All the color instantly drained from her face, and she went completely rigid, frozen to the spot. "W…what?" she gasped. "J…Jason Woodrue?"

"I think that's what it says," said Joker, tossing the sealed envelope at her. She leapt away from it as if it was a bomb. "What the hell's the matter with you?" asked Joker.

"Yeah, you ok, Red?" said Harley, concerned by Ivy's reaction. She had never seen her friend like this. She looked absolutely terrified as she cowered behind the sofa, staring at the letter and shaking.

"I…I…I…just need…some time alone," she gasped, racing toward the door.

"Well, take the letter with you!" snapped Joker.

"N…no…I…I don't wanna read it!" she shrieked. She ran into Two-Face on her way out of the Rec Room.

"Morning, Pam…" he began.

"Outta my way, Harvey!" she gasped, shoving him aside and running back to her cell as if Batman himself was chasing her.

Two-Face stared after her. "What's all that about?" he asked.

"I dunno," said Harley, bending down to pick up the letter. "She just went nuts when Mr. J showed her this envelope," she said, handing it to Two-Face.

"A lunatic going nuts - fancy that!" chuckled Joker. "Not the most unusual thing in the world, is it? Next thing you know, Batman might start beating up criminals!"

"Yeah, but panicking like that's really unlike Red," said Harley. "I've never seen her scared before. And she was super terrified. Like Johnny's fear gas level terrified."

Two-Face read the return address, and his jaw tightened. "Yeah…I can see why," he muttered, crushing it slowly in his hand. "This guy Jason Woodrue is…an ex of hers."

"Well, so are you, but she don't run like a scared rabbit when she sees you!" chuckled Joker. "That'd be hilarious though!"

"This ain't a joke, J!" snapped Two-Face. He took a deep breath. "You gotta promise not to tell anyone but…this guy Woodrue, he's…he's the reason she's the way she is…with the plants. He experimented on her."

Harley stared at him. "And she let him?" she said, astonished. "That don't sound like Red!"

"Like I said, he's the reason she's the way she is," growled Two-Face. "About men as well as plants."

He turned and followed Ivy down the hall back to her cell. She was curled up in the corner, shaking and choking back sobs. "Pammie," he said, gently. "You can't run from this."

"I don't wanna read anything he has to say to me!" she shrieked, raising a tear-stained face that was half-furious and half-terrified. "I don't wanna have anything more to do with him, ever! I wish he was dead!"

"But he ain't dead, Pammie," said Two-Face, gently. "He's tried to get in contact with you. God knows I don't feel any more friendly toward the guy than you do, but at least see what he says and go from there. You're strong enough to face this."

"Of course I am!" she snapped, seizing the letter from him. "I'm stronger than any man, and I'm not scared of any man! And certainly not of anything he has to say to me…"

She trailed off as she read the letter. Then she crumpled it up, burying her face in her hands. "He…he wants to see me," she murmured. "He wants to come here, to Arkham, and see me in a controlled environment."

She raised her tearful eyes to Two-Face. "Why?" she whispered. "Why would he want to do that?"

"I dunno," he murmured. "Maybe he wants to apologize."

She laughed scornfully. "You don't know Jason, Harvey. He's never said sorry in his life."

"You gonna see him?" he asked.

She nodded slowly. "Yes," she murmured. "Yes, I want him to see me. I want him to see what I've become, without his help."

She held out a hand and one of the plants in her cell trailed down, wrapping itself lovingly around her arm. "He wanted to make me into his pet project," she muttered. "But I've become much more powerful than that. My babies and I are so strong now…so strong…"

The plant trailed up around her neck, nuzzling her face. "The bad man can't hurt us anymore, babies," she whispered. "Don't worry. I won't let the bad man hurt us anymore."

Two-Face nodded. "Well, if you want any…y'know…human help, I'm here for moral support. And so is Harley and…probably not J, but two outta three ain't bad."

She smiled. "Thank you, Harvey," she whispered. "I really appreciate that. But this is one enemy I've gotta face on my own."

He nodded again, leaving her alone. "And I really hope I can survive it," she whispered, shutting her eyes and letting her tears fall.


	2. Chapter 2

"You're sure you're feeling up to this, Pamela?" asked Dr. Leland, gently. "We can always reschedule…"

"I can't put it off forever," said Ivy, calmly. "Now's as good a time to face him as any."

Dr. Leland nodded slowly. "I'll just be outside if you need to…leave suddenly," she said. "Press the call button for any reason at all and I'll come running."

"Thank you, Dr. Leland," she murmured.

Dr. Leland took her hand. "I know this is difficult for you," she murmured. "I think you're incredibly brave. And for what it's worth, I think you're ten times the person he is."

Ivy smiled at her. Dr. Leland squeezed her hand and left, leaving her alone.

But not for long. The door opened and Ivy raised her eyes to see the man she gave up everything for so many years ago, Dr. Jason Woodrue.

He hadn't changed much in appearance. He had always been a very attractive man, handsome and charming, and the former at least was still true for him as he looked at her with his clear, honest blue eyes, eyes that she could never have imagined lying to her until he had. Until she had seen them cloud over in fear and repulsion. He gave her a small smile, sitting down across from her.

"Hello, Pamela," he murmured.

"Ivy," she retorted, coldly. "My name is Poison Ivy."

He smiled again. "I'm afraid you'll always be Pamela to me…" he said, reaching for her hand, but she snatched it away suddenly.

"What do you want, Jason?" she muttered.

He seemed taken aback by her anger. "I…I wanted to see you," he murmured.

"Why?" she demanded.

"Well…I…I didn't think I'd need a specific reason," he murmured. "After all we've meant to each other, I just thought…"

"You mean nothing to me anymore, Jason," hissed Ivy. "Do you understand?! Nothing!"

He looked deeply hurt. "I should have expected this…coldness, I suppose, but I just didn't think…"

"What?" she interrupted. "You thought I'd be happy to see you again? The man who turned me into this and then abandoned me…"

"Pamela, please, let me try to explain…" he began.

"What's to explain?" she demanded. "You used me, Jason! You experimented on me, and then when you thought the experiment had gone wrong, you left me to die! You can't just explain that away! Nothing you can say will make that better! And you can't just show up here, years later, and expect me to be happy to see you, as if nothing's changed!"

He nodded slowly. "You…have every right to be angry with me, Pamela," he murmured. "Not a day has gone by when I haven't remembered my behavior towards you, and been appalled by it. The reason it's taken me so long to see you is because I was ashamed of what I had done to you, and I didn't have the courage to face you and apologize for what I did. But my guilt ate away at me day after day, and I've realized I can't live with myself anymore without begging your forgiveness and telling you how sorry I am for the way I acted. I behaved shamefully toward you, and there's no excuse I can give that will make it better. I certainly don't excuse myself. What I did to you was unforgivable. And if you can't find it in your heart to forgive me, I truly understand. I don't blame you. You were never anything but loving and caring towards me, and I selfishly took advantage of that for my own personal gain. There is nothing I can say to make that better. But I'm hoping…there's something I can do."

He leaned forward, taking her hand, and Ivy didn't draw it away. "I…I have a way to…fix you, Pamela," he murmured. "To return you to the way you were before you met me, before I…destroyed you. I've come here in the hope that you'll let me do that, to offer you the gift of curing yourself. I…I can't erase the damage I did to your mind, but maybe it will help a little if I erase the damage done to your body."

"There's…nothing wrong with my body," stammered Ivy.

"Well, you're still as beautiful as ever, if that's what you mean," he murmured. "But believe me, Pamela, I know what you're going through. I…continued my experiments after I left you…on myself. I…I became…like what you are now. And I managed to return to what I am today."

Ivy stared at him. "You were…like me?"

He nodded. "It was wonderful…for a time," he murmured, standing up and pacing. "The ability to communicate with plants, to bond with them…it was exactly what I had always dreamed of doing. I learned their secrets, the true power of these beautiful creatures that humanity is arrogant enough to think they can master. I learned…so much. I gained so much knowledge, to do so much good…" He looked at her. "But in the end, Pamela, I knew I was not a plant," he murmured. "I was a human being. Inherently different from them. And also inherently different from my own species. I felt…lonely. Maybe it's pathetic to admit that, but I didn't feel that anyone could relate what I was going through, neither plant nor human. And so I determined to find a way to return to my human form. I had gained what I wanted from my plant brethren, and I wanted to go home. And I did, Pamela. I became human again, no longer a freak, caught between two incompatible species."

He turned away from her. "I…I don't have your strength, Pamela," he whispered. "I don't know how you've endured it all these years…caught between being a plant and a human. Being a freak of nature, and being treated as such by everyone who meets you. I'm sorry I ever made you suffer that. I never knew how horrible it could be, until I endured it myself. And now I want to make amends. I want to cure you, so you don't have to suffer that anymore."

"I'm not suffering, Jason," murmured Ivy. "I love who I am and what I've become. I wouldn't trade my bond with plants for anything in the world."

"Wouldn't you?" he asked, turning back to face her. "Would you trade it for your freedom?"

He sat down across from her, taking her hand again. "I know you're not crazy, Pamela," he whispered. "You don't belong in here, among the freaks and the lunatics. But nobody understands what it's like to feel the pain of every plant that's stepped on, every flower that's picked and every leaf that's crushed into the dirt. I do. I understand better than anyone what you're going through. It's not insanity – it's incredible compassion. You were always…such a caring woman," he whispered, raising a hand to her cheek.

She drew her face away, glaring at him. "What are you offering me really, Jason?" she demanded. "Suppose I accept your offer. What then? I'll go back to being Dr. Pamela Isley, botanical biochemist, leading a boring, mundane life like every other walking sack of meat on this planet. I think I'd rather be locked up in here than be stuck in that kinda cage."

"It's your choice, of course," he said, nodding. "I only want to help you, Pamela. Whatever you wish to do, I'll respect that. I can never, never repay you for what I've done to you, but I do wish you'd consider letting me make amends in some small way. Think it over, and let me know your decision."

He looked at her. "I'm so sorry for what happened between us," he whispered. "So very sorry, Pamela. I…I did love you, you must believe that. I didn't just…use you. You were very special to me…when I thought my experiment had killed you, I ran away because I couldn't bear to see you in pain. I couldn't bear to think that my actions had killed the woman I loved, the woman I would have done anything to protect. I was a coward, I admit that without reservation. If I had had the courage to face you sooner, maybe I would still be a human-plant hybrid. Maybe I wouldn't have cared how I looked, with your strength beside me. But I don't suppose we'll ever know now."

He dropped her hand. "I'm glad I saw you again, anyway," he whispered. "You've taken the victim I created and transformed her into a strong, capable, independent woman, as compassionate as she is beautiful. I know many people can't see how compassionate you are, but they don't understand you."

"And you think you do?" asked Ivy, quietly.

He said nothing, but held his hand out the window. A thin trail of ivy curled itself through the bars, winding around his hand and caressing up his arm. "I understand this," he murmured.

Ivy stared at him. "You can still…talk to them?"

He nodded. "I chose to retain some effects from my transformation. I can still communicate with them. But my appearance…" He trailed off, smiling. "Let's just say that you can't judge me from the way I look anymore."

He reached into his pocket and handed her a photograph. Ivy could see that it was him, although he was barely recognizable – his flesh was like bark, with leaves sprouting in random places. "How many times have they called you it, Pamela?" he whispered. "Freak? Monster? Lunatic? All because of the way you look? I wasn't going to tolerate the scorn of humanity if I could blend in with them again. And I have. And now I can continue my research, and my life, in peace. But reduced to just another sack of walking meat? I'm so much more than that, Pamela. And you are too. You always will be, however you look."

He raised her hand to his lips. "Think it over," he whispered. "You deserve to be free and happy. I think you were happy before we met, and I can never apologize enough for any unhappiness I've caused you since then. Please believe that."

He opened the door and left her. Ivy was lost in thought as she was escorted back to her cell. "What did he want?" asked Two-Face gently, in the cell across from hers.

"To apologize," she murmured. "And to offer me a cure."

"Cure?" repeated Two-Face.

She nodded. "He…became a plant hybrid too, and he looked much worse than I do. But he's managed to cure himself physically, even though mentally he's still kept his bond with plants. He wanted to offer me that same service."

Two-Face snorted. "What, glorified plastic surgery? Never seen the use of it. Doctors have offered me that lots of times. I always tell 'em – this is my real face. Why would I wanna hide it away? And surely the way you look now is the real you, Pam."

"Yes, of course it is, Harvey," she murmured, studying her reflection in the mirror, her green face staring back at her. "But he's right – sometimes it would be so much easier to just…blend in. I probably wouldn't even be locked up in here if I didn't look like a freak. And it's not like I would lose anything important if I accepted…"

"Are you seriously considering trusting him?" demanded Two-Face. "This is a guy who experimented on you and then abandoned you, Pam! How can you believe a word he says?! Maybe this so-called cure is just an excuse to experiment on you again! For God's sake, don't make the same mistake twice! Don't trust a man like that with your body again!"

She nodded slowly. "You're right, Harvey," she said, firmly. "I won't trust him again. It's a tempting offer, but he's hurt me too deeply for me to believe in anything he says."

"Good," said Two-Face, nodding. "You've made the right decision."

"And I didn't even have to flip a coin for it," she said, smiling at him.

He smiled back. "Well, I'm proud of you, Pam," he said. "You faced that jerk again, after all he's done to you. All that's left is to face him one more time and tell him to get lost."

"Yeah," agreed Ivy. "And that's gonna be a piece of cake. People don't change, Harvey. I should never forget that."

She wished she felt as confident as she sounded. But seeing Jason again had awakened feelings she had long since forgotten, feelings she had long since tried to repress. Her fury and anger toward him, and all the pain she had suffered because of him, of course, but also the feelings that reminded her why she had suffered those things for him. She had loved him. Beyond reason. At the time, she had thought any kind of agony would be worth it for him. And it would have been, if he had stayed. It was the fact that he had left her that had hurt the most – the fact that she had been willing to sacrifice so much for him, when he had abandoned her at the first sign of trouble.

He had been a coward, but he had admitted that. He had admitted that she was always stronger than him. He was probably still a coward. People didn't change. And Ivy was no exception to that rule. Despite how much she had cursed Jason for years, seeing him again in person had reminded her why she had loved him. And he understood her. He understood her bond with plants, he had suffered the same pain for their sake. Their shared love of plants had brought them together in the first place – Ivy had never met another human being who shared her passion to that degree. And now that same human being had shared her experience as well. He was the only man in the world to understand her in that way. Ivy had always thought she was perfectly happy being independent. And she was. But the idea that someone else had shared her situation was something she had never dreamed about. And she would be foolish to give up that connection so soon.

She had no intention of trusting him again. But she was determined to see him again. People didn't change.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Ivy found herself in the visiting room again. The nervousness and apprehension she had experienced waiting for Jason the previous day had vanished, to be replaced by different, familiar feelings when he entered the room and smiled at her.

"That was a very quick decision," he said, sitting down across from her.

"Yes," agreed Ivy. "I hope you understand that…after everything you put me through…I'm not going to trust you again."

He nodded slowly. "I do understand," he said, softly. They were silent for a long before he stood up. "Well then, I suppose this is goodbye…"

"You don't have to go," she said, hastily. "I wouldn't mind…just talking to you again for a little while."

He sat down slowly. "What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said. They were silent again.

"How have you been?" he asked, gently. "Since I…left."

"Fine," she said.

He nodded. "You haven't been…lonely, have you?"

She laughed. "No, Jason," she murmured. "I haven't."

"That's good to hear," he said. "I've found loneliness to be the most agonizing feeling in the world. Since my…own experience of it…I don't want anyone to suffer that fate if they can avoid it."

"The most agonizing feeling in the world is actually complete and utter betrayal from the man you loved beyond reason, and who you thought loved you," murmured Ivy. "Loneliness is nothing compared to that. Frankly I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life than have to endure that again."

"I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry," he murmured. "But I am. I mean it."

"I like hearing it," she retorted, coldly. "I've dreamed for years about having you on your knees in front of me, begging me to forgive you. I laughed in your face and had my plants snap your neck in my dream."

"Would you like me to get on my knees and apologize?" he asked.

"No," she retorted. "It's no fun if you're not cowering in fear."

He didn't respond to that, and neither of them spoke again for a long time. "So how is it...being in here?" he asked, looking around. "It doesn't seem like too dreadful a place."

"Yes, it could be worse," she agreed.

"The staff treat you all right?" he asked. "And the other inmates?"

Ivy shrugged. "The staff are fine. So are the other inmates. I have a few close friends in here."

"Must be hard to be friends with lunatics," he said.

"Not really," she retorted. "You can always depend on a lunatic to do crazy things. You can't always depend on that from normal people, so it's always a nasty surprise when they act crazy."

He opened his mouth to respond, but she talked over him. "You know I dated this guy Two-Face in here. He's called that because one half of his face is blown off, but it's not really a great name for him. He's not two-faced at all. He's very open and honest, and you can depend on him, pending the approval of his coin, of course. But even that's dependable – it's a steady constant, something that doesn't change. I discussed your offer with him, and he said he would never change himself physically since his face reflected who he really was. Maybe you should consider blowing half of your face off. It would at least be an honest reflection of who you are."

"I realize…I deserve all this," he said. "And I'm happy to take any abuse, physical or mental, you think is justifiable for my behavior."

Ivy laughed again. "I don't think any abuse could ever equal it. But it's very gracious of you, Jason. You've changed in that respect, at least. You're not as full of yourself."

"No," he agreed. "My transformation changed a lot of things about me. I used to be very arrogant and proud – I believed I was superior to the rest of humanity. But as a superior being, you lose some of the most basic things granted to normal beings – kindness, love, sympathy. A superior being has to do without all that. So in the end, I realized I wasn't strong enough to be a superior being. And nor did I wish to be."

"Are you still lonely?" she asked.

He nodded. "I…don't have anyone special, if that's what you mean," he said. "I find it difficult to date women…none of them really understand me or what I've been through. Well, you must know how it is. Try telling another human being that you're a human/plant hybrid and see if they're sympathetic at all, or even interested."

"Well, I've found ways of keeping guys interested," said Ivy. "You just have to be a little creative."

"How do you mean?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I've invented a pheromone lipstick. If I kiss a guy with it, they're incapable of resisting me."

"But that's not…well, forgive me, but for all your talk of honesty, that's not very honest," he said. "Those men don't love you for you – they love you because of physical reasons and chemistry."

"Better than nothing," she retorted.

"I suppose," he agreed. "Is that how you and Two-Face got together? Are you still seeing him?"

"No," she said. "No, Harvey was…is different. And no, I'm not seeing him."

"Why not?" he asked.

She shrugged again. "We're no good for each other," she said. "Too similar, I guess. And I don't need a man to be happy."

"No, I wasn't suggesting that you did," he said. "You were always strong and independent, Pamela – that's what I loved about you."

"Just…don't use that word to describe what you felt for me," she snapped. "You didn't ever love me, Jason. Nobody who loved me could have done what you did to me."

"Well, I loved myself more, I admit that," he agreed. "But it's not like I felt nothing for you, Pamela. I'm not some evil mastermind who planned to lure you into my clutches and use you for my own selfish ends. I did want us to be together. But I panicked when it all went wrong. But you mustn't turn me into some evil, cartoonish supervillain. I'm just a man, and I made a mistake. A mistake I've never forgiven myself for."

"To be honest, I deal with a lotta cartoonish supervillains in here," she snapped. "And I think I prefer them to men who make mistakes."

"What I'm trying to say is that I think you've made me out in your head to be pure evil," he murmured. "I understand. I think that's a very easy thing to do when someone's hurt you – it's easier to hate them and dismiss them as monsters than to try to understand their actions and forgive them. It helps you get over the pain quicker, and it helps you move on. But few people in this world are truly evil – most of them are just misunderstood. I think you can relate to that, Pamela."

"Like I said, I think I prefer pure evil to people who make stupid mistakes," she retorted. "At least you can always depend on them to be evil."

"I would like to prove my sincerity to you," he said. "But since you're refusing my help, I'm not sure how else to do that."

"It doesn't matter," she snapped. "I'm never going to trust you again. I don't really want to see you again after today."

He nodded. "But I do…appreciate your apology," she said, slowly. "It means a lot, even after all this time. Not enough to make me forgive you, of course, but…I never expected it from you."

"I told you, I've changed," he murmured. "I can't expect you to believe that just because I say it, but it's true."

"Well, it's too late, Jason," she murmured. "And it doesn't make everything better."

"No," he agreed. "No, nothing can do that."

He handed her a card. "If you ever want to talk to me again, I'll always pick up the phone," he said. "And if you ever want to see me again, I'll be here at a moment's notice. But I don't blame you if you don't."

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek gently. "Goodbye, Pamela," he whispered.

She stared after him, feeling tears come to her eyes.

"Gee, Red, I really like what you've done with your cell," said Harley, as Ivy was escorted back to the cell block. "Those are some really pretty flowers."

"Flowers?" repeated Ivy, confused. She opened the door to her cell to see that the whole room was covered in flowers, growing through the window and clinging to the walls. They were a rare color – a deep, royal blue. Blue was Jason's favorite color, which was why Ivy had never worn it since the day he had left. And she certainly wasn't sure how to feel about this gesture of his – it was intrusive and presumptuous.

One of the flowers wrapped itself gently around her, curling around her ankle like a timid pet. Another uncurled itself into her hand, dropping a folded slip of paper into her palm. Ivy unfolded it and read the short note.

_A final gesture of apology from me – a new flower breed I've developed. I've named them Pamela Isleys. _

_ - Jason_

Ivy looked up, staring at the beautiful flowers which nuzzled her affectionately. She smiled, petting them gently and tucked Jason's card with his number on it under her pillow, in a safe place so she wouldn't lose it. "Not bad, Jason," she murmured. "There may be hope for you yet."


	4. Chapter 4

"Oooh, time for Pammie's conjugal visit!" chuckled Joker, as the Arkham guards led Ivy out of the Rec Room. "That's the fourth time in two weeks!"

"More than I get," muttered Harley.

"Stop complaining, you worthless brat!" snapped Joker. "Or next time you won't get anything at all!"

"Whenever next time will be," retorted Harley. "Probably in a couple months."

"I ain't a goddamn machine, Harl!" snarled Joker.

"Shut up, both of you," growled Two-Face. "I'm getting a headache." He tried to focus on the TV, but turned around to snap, "And Pammie's not having conjugal visits with Woodrue! They're not a couple! In fact, I dunno why she keeps seeing him. If I were her, I would have told him to drop dead and that'd be the end of it."

"Oooh, somebody's jealous!" giggled Joker.

"I ain't jealous," growled Two-Face. "I just don't understand why she's still seeing the creep. It's really unlike her to give guys a second chance, especially guys that hurt her the way Woodrue did."

"Well, c'mon, Harvey, she must have really loved him to let him experiment on her," said Harley, shrugging. "Love like that just don't go away overnight, no matter how badly a guy treats you. I should know."

"Just because I ain't jumping you every second of the day doesn't mean I treat you badly!" snapped Joker. "I always leave you one satisfied customer, baby!"

"Yes, puddin'," she agreed. "But it ain't the quality I'm complaining about. It's the quantity."

"Hey, you can't expect masterful performances like that to happen every day!" he snapped. "You know genius can't assert itself constantly! And I'm a genius in the sack. For some people, it's just stick the joystick in one of the funholes. But for me, it's a work of art."

"I said shut up!" shouted Two-Face. "I don't want images like that, thanks!"

"Would you prefer images of Pammie and Woody?" chuckled Joker. "Geez, if she's still into him after all this time, there must be a reason. Think he's probably more of a man than you, Harvey, if you get what I'm saying?"

"You know what, clown?" snapped Two-Face, standing up. "I don't really wanna talk about him anymore, all right? Either think of a different topic, or shut up!"

There was silence for a moment. "So tell me, Harley," said Joker. "You're the relationship expert, and I'd like some advice for a friend of mine. Let's call her Pamela I. No, wait, that's too obvious. Let's call her P. Ivy. So anyway, she's been seeing this guy, who's an ex of hers, we'll call him…uh…J. Woodrue, and the reason he's an ex is that he used her and abandoned her. Is there any conceivable way she can ever trust this guy again, or is she just being crazy?"

"Well, Mr. J, it's a pretty complex question," said Harley. "As a former psychiatrist, I have a few theories. I mean, there's the possibility that she's still in love with him to consider, since she never got closure on that relationship. Maybe every relationship she's ever had since then has been trying to futilely fill the void left from that one. But even if she ain't in love with him, it's possible she's trying to go back mentally to a time when she was, when life was better for her. Maybe just seeing him again makes her remember how happy she used to be, and how unhappy she is now by contrast. So it could be crazy love, it could be sublimated happiness, or it could just be the hope that her feelings for him weren't completely wrong, and that there was something deep down to love about him, if she really believes he's changed. And I don't know which one of those it is. I don't think she really does either."

Joker nodded thoughtfully. "So it ain't that he's probably really well endowed compared to her other ex, H. Dent?"

He was cut off with a punch to the jaw. "It was just a question, Harvey!" Joker cried. "And how do you know I was even talking about you?"

"Aw, to hell with this!" roared Two-Face, storming from the room and heading for his cell. He ran into Ivy, who was just emerging from hers.

"Oh…Harvey, I just came back to get…a plant I wanted to show Jason," said Ivy, who was holding a small potted plant in her arms.

Two-Face had already lost his temper, and was in no mood to be diplomatic. "Why the hell are you still seeing that creep?!" he roared. "Have you gone completely outta your mind?!"

"Don't talk to me in that tone!" snapped Ivy, growing angry.

"Anyone who's stupid enough to fall for that sleazeball's game again deserves to be yelled at!" shouted Two-Face. "He's utter scum, Pam! I always thought you were a fairly intelligent woman, but you're dumber than Harley if you seriously think he's changed!"

"You don't know what I think!" snapped Ivy. "Or how I feel, so stop pretending you do! You don't know anything about him either!"

"I know what he did to you, Pam!" shouted Two-Face. "That's all I need to know!"

The plant shot up, wrapping itself around Two-Face's mouth and preventing him from talking. "Now you listen to me!" hissed Ivy, grabbing him around the collar. "Stop presuming that you know anything about my thoughts or feelings! I am a strong, independent woman capable of making my own decisions without the input of some man! It's obvious you're jealous, Harvey, but maybe you need to stop flipping coins and start growing up! People _can _change – I'm living proof of that if anyone is! And if you love me at all, you should be thanking Jason rather than insulting him, because he helped make me into what I am today. Yes, he made mistakes. We all did. That's why we're in here. But at least he's trying to rectify them."

The plant removed itself from Two-Face's mouth, and he glared at her. "He's trying to play another game," he growled. "And you're falling for it. Well, don't you dare come crying to me when he lets you down again – I'm only gonna say I told you so."

He stormed into his cell, slamming the door shut. Ivy glared after him, and then headed for the visiting room. "I'm nothing like Harley," she muttered to herself, tucking the plant under her arm. "I mean, J's never even said he's sorry."

"That's 'cause I ain't, Weed Lady," said a voice. Ivy turned to see Joker leaning against the door-frame of the Rec Room. "See, I actually ain't big on lying," he said, grinning at her. "I don't promise Harley I'll change because I know I won't, and frankly it'd just be mean to keep lying to the kid like that. You see that a lot with wifebeaters, cheaters, compulsive liars, general disgusting excuses for human beings. They always go 'oh, I'm so sorry, darling, it was a mistake – I'll never do it again!' And then remarkably they always do. Because people don't change, not fundamentally. A violent, unfeeling guy is always gonna be a violent, unfeeling guy. I don't tell Harley I'm sorry, it was a mistake, or I'll never do it again, because I know that ain't true. She knows it too. That's why our relationship works, I guess – mutual trust and honesty. Even with unpleasant truths. Because you can't have a relationship without trust."

"Oh yeah, that's right, J – I forgot you were a relationship guru," snapped Ivy, sarcastically.

"Nah, I ain't," he agreed, shaking his head. "But I've dealt with a lotta scum in my time. And trust me, Woody is pond-scum. Although that may be why he appeals to you, huh?" he chuckled. "The whole plant thing – maybe you feel you can relate to pond-scum!"

"You don't know him," growled Ivy. "You don't know what he's been through…"

"I don't know what Bats has been through either," interrupted Joker. "I mean, not detail-wise. I know something pretty crazy must've happened to him once to make him dress up like a flying rodent every night. But I'd say in general I know Bats pretty well. Because you can pretty much judge a guy based on his actions. Now Bats, he acts all heroic, so I guess that's what he is. Me, I act all funny, so I guess that's what I am. Harley acts all stupid, Craney acts all nerdy, Tetchy acts all pedophilic, you get the idea. And Woody? See, now his actions have been pretty despicable. So what do you think he is, Pammie?"

Ivy glared at him but didn't respond, storming off to the visiting room. Joker shrugged, returning to the Rec Room. "I try to be nice and sincere, and people don't listen," he sighed, sitting down next to Harley. "The lesson here is don't ever be nice and sincere, Harl."

"At least you tried, puddin'," said Harley. "It was a nice gesture. But I could've told you it wouldn't work, and that you should've saved your breath. You don't see me trying to change Red's mind, do you?"

"No," he agreed. "And that seems kinda weird, being her friend and all."

"A friend allows their friend to follow their heart and make their own mistakes," replied Harley. "And be there for support if things go wrong. Anyway, people warning me about you never did any good either."

"Harley, please, I'm a far more decent human being than that scumbag," sniffed Joker.

"Yeah, Mr. J," sighed Harley sadly. "I got a sneaking suspicion you are."


	5. Chapter 5

"They're so beautiful, Jason," said Ivy, smiling as a tendril of Pamela Isley flowers curled gently up her arm. Dr. Leland had allowed Jason to visit Ivy in her cell, since she judged after several meetings that he was no security risk.

"That's why I named them after you," he agreed. "They're beautiful and affectionate and tender."

"It's…been a long time since I was called those last two," murmured Ivy. "I've kinda kept my tenderness and affection at a distance since…"

She trailed off. "I have some other species to show you," he said, removing some potted plants from a box. "Things I've bred."

"Oh wow, Jason, they're gorgeous," said Ivy, gently brushing her fingers against the leaves of a plant, which quivered happily in response. "So unique."

"Yes, this one reacts to human speech," he said. "If your tone is angry, it becomes destructive. It grows stronger and powerful enough to break down this wall."

"I remember you always wanted to create a plant that could empathize with humans, so that humans could understand that plants had feelings just like everyone else," Ivy said. "Is this it?"

"I wanted to create a plant that would empathize with humans so that I could eventually replace humans with plant replicas," replied Jason. "My motives were not as noble as getting people to understand plants – it was more Invasion of the Bodysnatchers than that," he said, smiling. "I wanted to create literal pod people who would be clones of human beings, who would eventually replace humanity in ruling the world. I like to think they would have more respect for Mother Nature, but then any species other than human beings does."

"We're a selfish and cruel race," agreed Ivy. "Some more than others."

They were silent. "But no, to answer your question, this isn't it," said Jason, as the flowers curled affectionately around him. "That's probably still a long way off, if I don't just decide to give up the project. I feel very little passion for revenge anymore. Comes with growing older, I suppose."

"Or maybe nothing ever hurt you so much you felt you needed revenge for it," murmured Ivy. "My sympathy with plants grew, Jason, not just because I became a hybrid, but because I felt I could understand them. Things people use for their own selfish ends, things they trample and devour and then spit out, with no consideration for their feelings. I felt like I had experienced something similar. And I wanted humanity to pay for what it had done to me. For what you had done to me."

"Is it your goal to destroy humanity as well?" he asked.

She shrugged. "If that becomes necessary, yes. But there are some good human beings out there. It seems a shame that they have to suffer as well as the horrible ones."

As she said this, Two-Face returned to his cell. He glanced into hers, saw Jason, and scowled. "Um…Harvey…maybe you'd like to meet Jason," said Ivy, standing up and opening the door.

"No thanks," he growled. "Don't need to flip a coin for that decision, Pammie."

"Harvey, you don't need to be rude," snapped Ivy.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot I should be on my best, polite behavior for pond-scum," he snapped. "It deserves my respect. No wait, that's right, I ain't as stupid as you, Pam," he snapped, slamming the door to his cell.

"I'm sorry about him," said Ivy.

"Never apologize to me, Pamela," replied Jason. "Not for anything. The people who care about you have every right to hate me. As do you."

"Well, they certainly all seem to," agreed Ivy.

"Who would have thought criminal lunatics would be so judgmental?" said Jason, smiling.

Ivy laughed. "Yeah, especially considering most people in here have done much worse. I mean, the Joker horribly murders and mutilates randomers all the time. And it's not like he treats his girlfriend right. I'm sure he's abandoned her a couple times, and then he has the gall to try to warn me off you! I understand Harvey's motivation, but I think the Joker is just trying to play with people, the way he always does."

"He must be confused – you're not Batman," said Jason, smiling. "Far too attractive."

"Possibly not for J," retorted Ivy, grinning. "You should hear Harley talk about when they roleplay. It's beyond disturbing."

"Yes, I think I can do without those kinds of images, thank you," replied Jason. "I enjoy being able to sleep at night."

Ivy laughed. "Yeah, I'm glad you can," she murmured. "I'm sorry," she added, hastily. "That was…unnecessary…"

"I told you, Pamela, never apologize to me," he said, gently. They were silent for a moment. "It's…always going to come between us, isn't it?" he asked. "My actions?"

She nodded. "Probably," she agreed. "I'm not the type who just forgives and forgets. Although seeing you again has been…really nice. It reminded me that…we weren't all bad. We had some good times together."

"We did," he agreed. "And…I suppose those days are gone forever?"

"You can never go back, Jason," replied Ivy. "That's one of the reasons I don't want your cure. Even if I looked the way I used to, I'm not that same woman. There would be no point in pretending I was."

"No, you're better now," he agreed. "Stronger. More confident. And more beautiful, if that's possible. If my behavior helped with that, I suppose it's not all bad."

She didn't respond. "I'm not excusing myself…" he added, hastily.

"No, it's fine," she interrupted. "I'm glad you're being honest with me anyway. I don't ever want to be lied to again by you. And I don't ever want you to conceal anything from me again."

He nodded. "Then…I won't, Pamela," he murmured, taking her hand. "You must know, or…you may have suspected…that I'm still in love with you," he whispered. "And while I know I can rationally never hope to…be with you again…I…I do. And I know things can never be like they were…that a wall has been built between us, but…well, ivy can tear down stone, if properly cared for. Do you think our wall is insurmountable?"

There were tears in Ivy's eyes. "If you knew how many years I've dreamed of you begging me to take you back…how I used to fantasize about you apologizing, and promising we'd be together again, and how things would be like they were before…"

She shut her eyes tightly. "But you can't ever go back," she whispered. "And it's far too late for us now."

"Pamela, I am so sorry I hurt you," he whispered. "But you're unlike any other woman in the world. What other men might fear and dislike about you is the very thing that attracts me to you. I love plants for the same reasons I love you. You're gorgeous and delicate, but also powerful and strong. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, just as you are. I feel you and I are soulmates, Pamela. And I know I'll never be happy again unless I can be with you again. I'll be alone for the rest of my life…"

"You deserve to be, Jason," she whispered.

He nodded slowly. "Yes," he murmured. "Perhaps I do."

He looked at her. "I have no hope, then?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, Jason."

"I said don't apologize to me," he whispered. "Never…do that, Pamela."

He stood up. "I'll…go then. See you soon, Pamela," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her cheek again. He paused, and then gently brought his lips lower, to meet hers.

"Mmm…no, Jason!" she gasped, drawing away. "I…I can't…"

He nodded, pulling away from her, but she seized his face in her hands and drew him back to her, kissing him desperately.

"Oh, God, Jason!" she gasped. "I don't know how to feel! I don't know what I want…I…"

"Pamela, come with me," he whispered, continuing to kiss her. "Let me get you out of here. I can't bear to think of you locked up in here day after day. You deserve to be free and happy. No beautiful flower should be confined in a cell. Come with me, and we'll be together forever."

"You've told me that before, Jason," she whispered. "I can't believe you again, much as I want to…I…"

He kissed her again, tenderly. "Please trust me, Pamela," he whispered. "I'm going to get you out of here. You do trust me, don't you?"

She looked steadily at him, and then nodded. "Yes," she whispered. "I do."


	6. Chapter 6

"Holy crap, what the hell is that?" cried Harley, as they heard a huge crash and the entire Rec Room shook. The television fell off the table and shattered on the floor, and books fell off the shelves.

"Aw, not another earthquake!" exclaimed Joker. "No Man's Land has been done! And Gordon ain't remarried so I can't kill his wife again!"

The shaking stopped as suddenly as it had started, and they heard guards and doctors running toward the cell block. "Everyone stay in here!" shouted Dr. Leland, who rushed past the Rec Room.

"What? But the TV's busted!" cried Joker. "How are we supposed to entertain ourselves without cartoons?!"

He went over to it, kneeling down and picking up bits of the screen. "I guess there's always these pieces of broken glass," he said. "You can have loads of fun with them. Hey Hatty, think fast!" he shouted, throwing the shards at him.

"Joker, stop it right now!" shouted Dr. Leland, reappearing suddenly. "I've already got one patient in the infirmary, and I don't want another one!"

"Oooh, who's the lucky inmate?" asked Joker, rushing to the door. They heard loud swearing from down the hall, and a second later Two-Face hobbled into view, being supported by two guards.

"Harvey, what happened?" asked Harley.

"Goddamn son of a bitch Woodrue happened!" roared Two-Face. "He's in Pammie's cell with her, and all of a sudden there's this crash and this huge plant bursts through the wall, and most of the ceiling collapses! And a huge chunk of it lands on my leg! When I get my hands on him, I'm gonna pound his face into a bloody pulp! Twice!"

"Is Red all right?" exclaimed Harley.

"She's gone," he growled. "And so is Woodrue."

"What? You mean Pammie escaped without inviting us?" said Joker, offended. "Well, that's just rude! Especially after we tried to warn her about her boyfriend and everything!"

"Good riddance to the both of 'em!" snapped Two-Face. "They deserve each other, pair of selfish, plant-loving freaks!"

"Get him to the infirmary, please," sighed Dr. Leland, massaging her temples. "Good call, Joan," she said, sarcastically. "Letting Woodrue see Pamela in her cell because he's no security risk. Great job."

"Aw, don't feel bad, Doc," said Joker, patting her on the back. "What's another escaped inmate, after all? I've lost track of the number of times everyone's busted outta this dump, so don't beat yourself up over one more."

"Thanks, Joker, that's really helpful," sighed Dr. Leland. "I just hope Ivy knows what she's doing, running off with him like that."

"Me too," agreed Harley, gazing at the plant-covered remains of Ivy's cell.

…

A few nights after Ivy's escape, Harley was sitting in front of the mirror in her cell, singing to herself as she combed her hair out and applied some lipstick. "_I'm as corny as Kansas in August, high as a flag on the Fourth of July! If you'll excuse an expression I use, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love with a wonderful guy!_" she sang, leaping to her feet and slipping off her inmate uniform to reveal a skimpy nighty underneath. She went over to the bed. "Whoopie cushion: check," she said, removing it from under her pillow. "Rubber chicken: check," she said, reaching under the bed. "Harley ready for a good revving: check," she said, spreading herself onto the bed and waiting for her cell door to open.

"Harley!" whispered a voice outside her window. She turned to see Poison Ivy standing there.

"Red?" she exclaimed, leaping to her feet and rushing over to the window. "You ok? Geez, you just busted outta here without telling anyone, and I was kinda worried when you ran away with…"

"Harley, you have to help me," Ivy said urgently.

"Sure, Red, anything!" said Harley, sincerely. "You know that! What can I do?"

"Give me your hand," Ivy whispered, holding out hers.

"My hand?" repeated Harley, confused. "Uh…ok…"

She shrieked suddenly as Ivy's hand which was holding hers transformed into a thick plant vine, which wrapped itself up her arm. Harley looked on in horror as Ivy melted in front of her into a thick, green goo which slid in between the bars of her window and into her cell. It reformed itself back into a human shape and stood in front of her…except it wasn't Ivy who stood there. Harley was staring back at an exact replica of herself.

"Holy…" she began, but replica Harley suddenly seized her around the throat and began squeezing with superhuman strength. Harley gasped, struggling to fight against the thing strangling her with an expressionless face – with _her _expressionless face.

"Hope you're ready for the revving of a lifetime, pooh bear…" said Joker, opening the door to her cell suddenly. He stopped talking when he saw the situation inside.

"Mr…J!" gasped Harley, struggling to breathe. "Help…me!"

The replica released her suddenly. "Puddin', they've sent some kinda imposter!" it said in a perfect impression of Harley's voice. "It tried to kill me, but I managed to get the upper hand!"

"Mr. J, don't let it touch you!" shrieked Harley, as the replica approached Joker.

"Now that you're here, it might be more fun to kill it together, huh, puddin'?" the replica purred, preparing to embrace Joker.

"It might," murmured Joker, nodding. The replica shrieked in agony as Joker suddenly sliced off its head with a piece of broken glass. "And don't call me puddin'," he hissed, as the thing collapsed into a puddle of green goo.

"Aw, Mr. J!" exclaimed Harley, happily, bouncing over to him and hugging him. "I knew you wouldn't be fooled! You could tell which one of us was the real Harley, huh?"

"Oh…yeah…sure, Harl," muttered Joker, looking slightly disappointed. But he smiled, patting Harley's head affectionately. "As if I couldn't tell my Harley girl from…whatever the hell this thing is," he said, bending down to examine the goo. "Looks kinda plant-like, don't it?"

"Yeah," agreed Harley. "It came to my window in Red's shape. I think something terrible has happened to her, Mr. J. Red never would have agreed to hurt me of her own free will. Whatever this is, it's Woodrue's doing, not hers."

"I think you're right, cupcake," said Joker.

Harley nodded firmly. "Well, no playtime tonight," she said, picking up her uniform and pulling it on again. "We have to rescue her."

"We?" repeated Joker. "I already did my bit – I warned Pammie he was no good. I don't see why I should waste any more energy to save her from the mess she's got herself into."

"Because she's our friend, Mr. J," said Harley. "And we can't just abandon her to that creep. That's not what friends do."

"She ain't my friend," retorted Joker. "All we ever do is insult each other and beat each other up."

"Well, that's what you and Batsy do, and you're friends, ain't you, puddin'?" asked Harley.

He nodded. "It's a fair point, Harl. Ok, c'mon," he said, taking her hand and looking carefully around the cell block. "The bars on the window to the infirmary are loose – we can probably break those off and skedaddle outta here."

They crept down to the infirmary, opening the door and slipping inside. "Whew, made it…" began Joker, but his smile fell as he saw Dr. Leland sitting next to Two-Face, replacing the bandage on his leg.

"What are you two doing in here?" asked Dr. Leland, suspiciously.

"Uh…we…were just gonna…steal some of the equipment for…sex," invented Joker. "You'd be amazed with the kinda things you can do with…syringes and scalpels and…stethoscopes…"

"Well, you're definitely not supposed to be out of your cells," said Dr. Leland, sternly, standing up. "Get back there at once or I'm calling the guards."

"But Joan, we gotta get outta here!" cried Harley. "A plant monster that looked like Red just tried to kill me! She's obviously in real trouble, and we gotta save her!"

"What?" said Dr. Leland. Harley explained the situation in greater detail. Dr. Leland listened, her eyes narrowing in concern, while Two-Face folded his arms across his chest, scowling.

"It's her own damn mess – it's her own damn responsibility to get herself outta it," he growled when Harley finished talking.

"If it's something that's attacking my inmates, it's not just Pamela's mess," retorted Dr. Leland. "It affects us all. I'm going to get the police to contact Batman…" she said, heading for the door.

"But it might be too late by the time he gets here!" cried Harley. "You gotta let us find her now, Joan! You can send Bats after us if you don't trust us to come back, but at least give us a chance to save Red before she gets any more hurt!"

Dr. Leland saw the sincerity and desperation in Harley's eyes, considered for a few moments, then sighed. "Well, I've been making lots of bad decisions lately – what's one more?" she muttered.

"That's the spirit, Doc!" chuckled Joker, heading for the window and wrenching the bars off. "After you, sweets," he said, gesturing for Harley to go through.

"Hang on, I'm coming too," growled Two-Face, struggling to his feet and leaning on a crutch.

"Nah, you'll just slow us down, peg leg," retorted Joker. "Why doncha stay here and practice hobbling…"

Two-Face seized him around the collar, holding up his coin. "The coin says I'm coming too," he growled. "You got a problem with that, clown?"

"Doc, tell him he's crazy!" snapped Joker.

"That line doesn't work with any of you, Joker," sighed Dr. Leland, heading for the door. "Good luck, you three. I'm going to try to get in touch with Batman. And hope that we're not too late."


	7. Chapter 7

"How are we gonna find this guy?" asked Two-Face, as he sat in the backseat of the car Joker and Harley had stolen from the Arkham parking lot.

"Easy! Just keep your eyeballs peeled for any kinda weird plants," replied Joker.

"Right," said Two-Face, slowly. "You think he's just gonna have them out in plain sight, huh?"

"C'mon, Harvey, you know how this game works!" chuckled Joker. "If we wanna find your hideout, we look for things with twos! If we wanna find mine, we look for clown themes! It's supervillainism 101!"

"But this guy ain't like us," retorted Two-Face.

"You saying he ain't a supervillain?" asked Joker. "Seems pretty evil to me, has that whole plant schtick like Pammie, and clearly wants to do harm to his fellow human beings, or at least Harley. Though I don't imagine it's personal, pooh."

"Better not be," retorted Harley. "I didn't even try to warn Red off him!"

"My point is he's got an over-complicated, complex scheme to avenge himself on humanity," said Joker. "Sounds like a supervillain to me. Although I admit we've got more style than him. Or at least, I do. Never dated Pammie, for one thing."

"You can be stylish and still have dated Pammie," muttered Two-Face.

"I guess," agreed Joker. "Did you do any of that kinky plant stuff with her in the bedroom? That's pretty disgusting, if you ask me."

"Frankly, I think a guy who uses a whoopie cushion in the sack shouldn't be pointing fingers," muttered Two-Face. "Anyway, I'm not giving you details of what we used to do."

"That's a yes," whispered Joker to Harley.

Two-Face sighed. "Y'know, J, a lotta us are more than we appear," he murmured. "I mean, I know you throw your whole heart and soul into this clown thing, but the rest of us…well, there are other things that people might find attractive aside from our personas. Pammie's a great girl, despite her plant fixation. There's a lot to love about her, even with her quirks. Even because of them sometimes. And you can love someone without sharing everything in common. I mean, a relationship would be really boring if you agreed all the time about everything, wouldn't it?"

"No, it ain't," retorted Joker. "It's great. Ain't it, Harl?"

"Sure thing, Mr. J," agreed Harley, nodding.

"See? Great," repeated Joker, smiling.

"All I'm saying is unlike some of us in this car, you don't have to be exact replicas of each other to be a good couple," retorted Two-Face. "Sometimes it's the differences that make other people attractive. The differences that balance out the things you don't really like about yourself. In my case, Pammie's very decisive and resolute, which works well with a guy like me who maybe can't decide things very well without the help of a coin. And in an ideal relationship, you use each other strengths to grow stronger together. So that outta two individuals can come one…new, united, better life…"

He trailed off. "That's why I can't make relationships work though," he added. "Cause I prefer twos myself."

"Yeah, your persona's a real issue, Harvey, if you don't mind my saying," said Joker, nodding. "I can't imagine what it would be like to have a psychological problem that gets in the way of living a normal life. Must be hellish."

"Well, I certainly envy you your normal life, J," said Two-Face, sarcastically.

"All right, no need to take that tone," sniffed Joker. "See, this is what I get for being nice and sympathetic! Nothing but scorn and derision! I'm going back to being a selfish jerk, Harl."

"Mr. J, stop," said Harley.

"I won't stop!" he snapped. "Everyone always says a smile will brighten someone's day, but that's clearly not true because certain Bat-people are always trying to lock me up for spreading smiles…"

"Mr. J, stop!" repeated Harley, leaning over and slamming on the brakes, sending his face crashing into the dashboard.

"Ow! What the hell, you useless blonde…" he roared, cupping his nose, but she put a finger to her lips, pointing out the window.

"Does that look healthy to you?" she said, gesturing to a nearby skyscraper. There was a glass-enclosed roof garden at the top of the building, and it was emitting a soft, green glow into the night sky.

"Either someone's trying to recreate the accident that turned me into the Joker by brewing their own batch of glowing, green chemicals, or somebody's doing something creepy with the plants in the roof garden," said Joker. "Either way, we'd better stop them. Can't have two Jokers running around – that'd just be crazy."

"And what's one Joker running around, normal?" asked Two-Face, leaning on his crutch and hobbling out of the car.

"In Gotham? Sure. It wouldn't be Gotham if there weren't a bunch of costumed freaks of differing varieties," chuckled Joker. "Batsy would be so bored otherwise."

They entered the apartment complex, calling the elevator and pressing the button for the roof. "J, do we have any weapons to fight Woodrue or his killer plants with?" asked Two-Face, slowly.

Joker snapped his fingers. "I knew there was something we forgot!" he exclaimed. "Oh well. Have to make do."

"Make do?" repeated Two-Face.

"Yeah. Grab what you can when you get in there," said Joker, shrugging. "Improvise."

"Mr. J's the best at improvising," purred Harley, ruffling his hair. "Being prepared is for squares like the Bat."

"And the boy scouts," agreed Joker. "And I ain't got anything in common with those narks. Though I do know how to tie several varieties of knots. And how to build a fire outta nothing. And how to use an awful lotta knives. Maybe I'm more boy scout than I think!" he chuckled. "Maybe me and Superman can go to their meetings together! Course that would mean I'd have to hang out with Superman, and I think I'd rather have him make my face go explodey and then swim up through my guts…"

"Shut up," interrupted Two-Face as the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. They emerged into a greenhouse alive with the whisper of plant life, and that strange, green glow emanating from the center of the room.

Two-Face headed toward it, figuring he could always use his crutch as a weapon in case of emergencies. He carefully pulled aside a thick curtain of foliage to reveal…Poison Ivy standing by a table. Her eyes were narrowed as she studied a glowing plant intently, and she was wearing nothing but a skimpy nightdress.

"Pammie?" he whispered.

She turned, shocked. "Harvey, what are you doing here?" she hissed, her eyes blazing in fury.

"We've come to rescue you, Red!" said Harley, rushing forward to embrace Ivy. She then jumped back. "As long as you're the real you," she added, hastily.

"The real me?" repeated Ivy, puzzled. "What the hell are you talking about? Ow!" she shouted, as Harley pinched her suddenly.

"Yep, she's the real her!" she exclaimed, hugging her tightly. "You ok, baby? What's he done to you?"

"Harley, Harvey, you have to get out of here right now!" hissed Ivy, shoving them toward the door. "You'll ruin everything! Why can't you both just mind your own business, for Christ's sake?!"

"Because we care about you, Red!" cried Harley. "And when a crazy plant clone version of you comes to Arkham and tries to kill me, you can't blame us for thinking you're in trouble!"

Ivy stopped pushing them suddenly. "What?" she whispered. "It got loose?"

Her face twisted in fury. "That bastard!" she hissed. "I told him to wait, and he promised me he would! But I guess I shouldn't be surprised he lied about that, the two-faced son of a bitch! No offense, Harvey."

"Geez, Red, you knew about the clone?" asked Harley, hurt.

"I knew he had made one – he showed me it," she retorted. "He calls them Pod People. They're plants that can mutate into a replica human form just by touching a person. He's always wanted to breed them, for as long as I've known him, and he was trying to show me how essential and needed I was, because he never could have done it without me. And I pretended to be flattered and told him I wanted to wait until the time was right to release it. But of course he wouldn't respect my wishes, the dumb jerk. Oh, I should go back to bed and strangle him, and I just might…" she growled, turning to go.

"Pammie, what the hell is going on?" demanded Two-Face. "You know what he's doing?! Are you working with him to try to kill us?!"

"I really don't have time to explain, Harvey," she snapped. "I have real, important work to do while Jason is asleep…"

"Well, we ain't leaving without an explanation," said Harley, folding her arms across her chest. "People don't try to kill me without a good reason. Except puddin', but his good reason is that he loves me. What's yours?"

Ivy sighed heavily, glancing over her shoulder. "Get in the elevator!" she snapped, shoving them inside and following them in, pressing the button back down to the lobby.

"I'm not a complete idiot!" she snapped, whirling around to face them. "I escaped with Jason because I wanted to know what he was up to and stop him! The flowers he named after me and left in my cell told me he was experimenting on them and other plants, and having been there myself, I knew I had to save them. I'm here undercover."

"Is that a euphemism?" asked Harley, nodding at her skimpy outfit.

"Oh, don't be such a schoolgirl, Harley!" snapped Ivy. "It's not the first time I've slept with a guy just to use him!"

"Tell me about it," muttered Two-Face, glaring at her.

Ivy glared back. "Yes, Harvey, if you must know, it's a bit like what I did when I dated you the first time!" she snapped. "I'm pretending to be in love with him so I can stop him from hurting my babies and trying to eradicate humanity!"

"But I thought _you_ wanted to eradicate humanity," said Harley, puzzled.

"Yeah, and I don't wanna let Jason beat me to it!" retorted Ivy. "But he might now, thanks to me! The only ingredient he was missing for these Pod People he's created was my DNA. He already had his male plant hybrid DNA, and he needed a female plant hybrid to bond with his and complete the process. He told me all this afterward, of course, and there was nothing I could do to stop him creating his first Pod Person. But I asked him as a special favor to me not to release it or create any more until I could be there to see the destruction it would wreak on humanity. But the guy's a complete liar, of course. People don't change," she sighed.

She looked at them. "C'mon, you guys can't seriously think I actually trusted that creep again, can you? I know him too well. He's too much like me. The only time he shows emotion is to use people. Well, not the _only _time in my case, but he's like a more sociopathic version of me."

"And that's saying something," growled Two-Face.

"But fortunately he buys my simpering doormat act. I'm friends with Harley, so I can do a pretty good impression of a simpering doormat," continued Ivy, ignoring him. "So Jason's selfishly keeping his devoted lover around until he gets bored with me. And since I don't know when that will be, every second counts if I wanna save my babies and put this guy outta action! And I can't continue to spy on him if you two come bursting in here like a pair of lumbering gorillas and ruin all my plans. So just get the hell out now!" she snapped, as the elevator doors opened back on the ground floor.

"Hang on, if you're really not in love with this guy again, why doncha just stab him while he sleeps?" demanded Two-Face.

She glared at him. "Because I want revenge on him, Harvey," she whispered. "Ultimate revenge. He gained my trust and then betrayed me a long time ago. And now it's payback. Now I'm doing exactly the same to him – gaining his trust, and then turning his own plants against him. Showing him that I can lie and play with someone's heart just the way he did. This is justice, Harvey. I'm sure you can understand that."

He nodded slowly. "Anyway, I'm sorry the Pod Person got out," said Ivy, hugging Harley. "And I'm glad you're ok, baby. I'll make sure that nothing like that happens again, but you have to get outta here now before you ruin everything."

Harley nodded. "Ok, Red, I'm sure you got everything under control. I would leave you to it, but there's a slight problem…"

"What's that?" asked Ivy.

"Uh…Mr. J's still up there," said Harley, pointing up.

Ivy stared at her in horror. "WHAT?!" she roared. "J's in the lab unattended?! Jesus Christ, why didn't you mention this earlier?!" she said, pressing the elevator button repeatedly. "Who knows what kinda damage he'll have caused…"

The doors opened again at the roof garden, and they all three stepped out, looking around carefully. "Mr. J?" called Harley. "Mr. J? Mr…"

The overhead lights flashed on suddenly, blinding everyone. Harley, Ivy, and Two-Face were seized from behind and dragged back to the table in the center of the room, where a familiar figure stood.

"Darling, why didn't you tell me we had company?" asked Jason Woodrue, smiling. "It's very rude for visitors to drop by so late, but we must be hospitable, mustn't we, Pamela? Welcome to our happy home, Mr. Dent, Miss Quinn. Allow me to introduce you to our loving family," he said, snapping his fingers.

Pod People emerged from the trees, all in one very familiar human form. "Mr…J?" gasped Harley.

"Aw, nuts," growled Two-Face, as he looked around at the massive army of Jokers.


	8. Chapter 8

"I apologize for their choice of form, but you can't always control how your children turn out," sighed Jason, smiling. "Isn't that right, Pamela?"

"These are not my children," snapped Ivy.

"But we created their lives together, my darling," said Jason, gesturing at them. "A whole army of our spawn, soon to be sent out into the world to destroy the human race and replace it with our offspring. A perfect blend of human and plant. A new, superior species. Why wouldn't you be overjoyed about that?"

"Because they look like J," repeated Ivy. "No kids of mine are looking like J."

"Well, their appearance isn't ideal, but I had to work with what I had," replied Jason, shrugging. "They can transform with ease, after all, but a psychotic supercriminal seems a very practical choice for world domination. Where is the real Joker now?" he asked, looking around expectantly at the Pod People.

They heard a hysterical giggle. "He's hiding somewhere among the clones, Woody!" chuckled the Joker's voice. "Let's play a little game! Will the real Joker please stand up?"

The Pod People all began mimicking his laugh, and one of them suddenly screamed as it was run through with a gardening hoe. "C'mon, you buncha plant-based pinheads, you can do better than that!" laughed the real Joker. "Wow, killing myself is a weird experience. But there can be only one Joker, although God knows everyone's tried being me. That guy in that gay cowboy movie, that guy from _The Shining_, that guy with the mustache, that guy from _Star Wars_, my personal favorite, by the way…"

He speared another Pod Person. Jason flinched in pain, as did Ivy. "Exterminate them," growled Jason to the Pod People who were restraining Harley, Two-Face, and Ivy.

"No," murmured Ivy, firmly. "No, don't do that, babies. Listen to me. Do you want to be used your whole life? Controlled by some man? And only half a man at that?"

"Oooh, below the belt, Plant Lady!" giggled the real Joker. "And I do mean literally!"

Another Pod Person fell, this one being stabbed below the belt. "Find him, catch him, stop him!" shouted Jason.

"Don't listen to him, babies," said Ivy, gently but firmly. "Listen to me."

The Pod People seemed confused and hesitant, screaming collectively as another one of their brethren fell. "You think they're going to listen to you?" hissed Jason, furiously. "These are my creations! Just as you are, Pamela!"

"If they're just like me, then they won't listen to a word you say, Jason," murmured Ivy. "They won't obey you, or respect you. At least, they won't if they have half a brain."

She broke away from her captor, turning around to face the army. "If you try to hurt any one of these meatsacks, I will be very, very angry," she said, firmly.

Jason snorted. "They won't listen to you, Pamela. I have an entire army at my beck and call."

She smiled at him. "So do I," she whispered.

The other plants in the garden suddenly began attacking the Pod People, strangling them and pulling them apart. But not all the plants sided with Ivy – some of them began attacking each other as well. In the chaos, Two-Face and Harley broke free. Two-Face grabbed a set of gardening shears, while Harley began racing wildly through the Pod People, screaming, "Mr. J! Mr. J, where are you?" while punching ones who tried to attack her.

Ivy, meanwhile, was directing her plants toward the Pod People who tried to attack her. "They couldn't have picked a more perfect form," she murmured to herself, grinning as her vines tore a screaming Pod Person to pieces. "Maybe I'll get lucky and kill the real Joker."

She was suddenly seized from behind. "Call them off!" hissed Jason in her ear, bending her head back by her hair.

"Never!" she growled, slamming her head back so that it collided with his face. He reeled back, howling in pain and cupping his nose. Ivy approached him, eyes blazing.

"You will never experiment on a living thing ever again!" she hissed. "Neither human or plant. Or me, Jason."

He grinned. "And what are you, Pamela?" he hissed. "Besides some freak of nature?"

She seized him around the throat with one hand. "Strong," she hissed. "I'm strong, Jason."

He smiled. "I'm stronger," he whispered. Ivy stared at him in shock as he suddenly began writhing, his face contorting, and his flesh ripping itself off to reveal a hideous, tree-like creature with the vague outline of a human body. It knocked her to the ground, and roots shot from its fingers, twisting around Ivy's body and slowly crushing it.

"Where is your strength now, Pamela?" it hissed, in some weird imitation of a human voice and smile.

It shrieked in pain suddenly as a blade chopped off its fingers with one snip. "Right here," growled Two-Face, holding the shears in front of him. Jason screamed again, reeling back, and then instantly turned furious.

"C'mon!" growled Two-Face, grabbing Ivy and racing away from him. They ducked into the elevator.

"I told the clown we should have brought weapons!" growled Two-Face, glancing out at the chaos. "God, what I wouldn't give for a bag of weed killer right now!"

Ivy shut her eyes, and a vine snaked through the carnage to meet them, handing her a spray gun with a strange, green chemical in it.

"Here," she said, handing it to Two-Face. "It's poisonous to plants. I invented the toxin in case Jason tried to turn my babies against me."

Two-Face grabbed the gun, aiming it out at the carnage.

"Shoot carefully," said Ivy. "I don't want any more of my babies to die than necessary. We exterminate the ones that side with Jason, and that's all."

Two-Face stared at her. "You think I can tell the difference?!" he demanded. "They're all plants, Pammie! They all look the same!"

"Don't be a racist, Harvey," she snapped.

"Aw hell!" he shouted, throwing up his hands. "Fine, I'll just flip before I kill one – that way it's all fair," he muttered, reaching for his coin. "And you're welcome for saving your life, by the way."

"Sorry if I forgot my manners, Harvey, but we're in the middle of a battle," retorted Ivy. "I'll be damned if I let a man beat me to my dream of exterminating humanity! Especially not this man!"

"For Christ's sake, Pammie!" snapped Two-Face, shooting the toxin out at a Pod Person, who fell to the ground instantly. "When are you gonna realize that it ain't men vs. women but horrible people of both genders vs. decent people of both genders?! All groups of people are gonna have good members and bad members – that's life! Fifty fifty split, like a coin! But the war should be fought against what people are like inside, not what they were born like outside!"

He shot at another Pod Person. "Unless they're these weird plant-clone things," he added. "Then you can probably judge them by their appearance."

"If they're J, I'd say so," agreed Ivy. She spotted Jason searching for them – his back was toward the elevator, and Ivy was about to attack him, when Two-Face seized her arm.

"He's mine, Harvey," she hissed, struggling against him. "He's mine!"

"Pammie, think about this rationally!" hissed Two-Face. "He's got an army out there gunning for you. You're gonna get yourself killed. He's not worth that. He's not worth losing you..."

Ivy suddenly kissed him passionately. "Let go of me, Harvey," she whispered. She had her mind control lipstick on, and Two-Face had no choice but to obey her. She wiped her lips, kissed him deeply again, and then raced back into the room toward Jason, hastily applying another lipstick.

"Mr. J!" shrieked Harley, still searching for the real Joker.

"Right here, you dumb…ow!" roared Joker, as Harley's fist collided with his face.

"Oh…sorry, puddin'!" she gasped, embracing him. "I thought you were one of them at first!"

"You dumb blonde!" he roared. "You can't tell the difference between me and some stupid plant?!"

"Of course I can, Mr. J, it was just a reflex…" began Harley.

Joker punched her in the face suddenly. "Sorry, Harl, just a reflex!" he roared.

"I said I was sorry, you dumb jerk!" she shrieked, raising her hand to hit him in retaliation. But she screamed as the Joker was punched again, and knocked to the ground by a black shape that suddenly burst through the glass of the roof garden. "Bats, stop it!" shrieked Harley, throwing herself over Joker protectively as Batman continued to pummel him. "That ain't a plant person – it's the real Mr. J!"

Batman released him suddenly, but he was already unconscious. "Uh…sorry," Batman said. "Not actually that sorry though," he muttered, looking around for Ivy. He hadn't been given that many details by Dr. Leland, but he knew if anyone could stop the plant chaos, it was Ivy. And he spotted her suddenly, in single combat with some humanoid plant creature. He rushed over to her as she and Jason traded blows.

"What chance do you think you have against me, Pamela?" whispered Jason, grinning horribly. "I created you. Your power is nothing compared to mine."

The roots of his other hand wrapped around her waist, dragging her close. "Besides, unlike me, you have not yet overcome human emotion," he hissed. "That is weakness, Pamela. Love is weakness. And you can deny it to others, but I know the truth. You're still in love with me, Pamela. Admit it."

The Pod People were getting the upper hand – they had already seized Harley and overpowered Two-Face, who had run out of the toxin, and even Batman was overwhelmed by them. He watched the struggle in front of him helplessly. "Admit it," Jason hissed. "Or I will kill these humans you care for. Admit that I broke you, that I was always superior to you, that even now you will submit to my will. Admit it."

"Babies, stand down," murmured Ivy, and her plants obeyed. There was a strange silence as the chaos paused, like the eye of a storm, focused on Ivy and Jason.

"There's a good girl," said Jason, mockingly. He gazed triumphantly into her eyes. "You stupid little fool," he murmured. "You look me in the eyes and tell everyone the truth. For all your talk of strength and power, you are weak. You cannot be rid of that common weakness that infects humanity like a disease, destroying them as surely as it destroyed you. I want to hear you say it, Pamela. Tell me you love me."

"I'll do one better, Jason," she whispered. "I'll show you."

She pulled him close. "You're right about me," she whispered. "You always knew me better than I knew myself, Jason. And you used that knowledge to play with my heart and my emotions, to use me. You did break me, Jason. You took a flower in its prime and plucked it, snapped it, crushed it. All because it trusted you. All because it was stupid enough to love you."

She kissed him passionately, taking his face in her hands and crushing his mouth into hers. "And you did teach me, Jason," she whispered, drawing away at last. "You taught me two can play at that game. You taught me that love is the ultimate game, something to use against people, to play with them, to get what you want from them. You taught me that people with that disease will believe anything you say, and can be easily crushed, as you crushed me. I learned those lessons, Jason. But my education was far from over. I met people, men and women, who taught me other things about love. I played my game with Harvey," she said, gazing at Two-Face. "And I learned what a cruel game it was. I learned to hate myself for what I did to him. And he showed me that true love can also be forgiveness and friendship. I owe him for that. And Harley…well, if I believe love is a meaningless tool, Harley believes the opposite," she said, nodding at her. "She believes true love is worth sacrificing everything for, that it's the most powerful thing in the world. Maybe the truth is somewhere in between her and my version. I don't know. I don't think my education is complete yet. I know you started it, but I'm going to finish it. Just like I'm going to finish you."

Jason choked suddenly, falling to the ground. "You see, plants keep on growing," murmured Ivy. "And they adapt to any situation. Self-preservation is the most important thing for them, and for me. And although I may have a little human weakness in me, I also have a little plant cunning. And a little plant chemicals," she said, holding up a tube of lipstick.

"It's poison, darling," she whispered, kneeling down in front of him. "Extracted from the most deadly plants on the planet. I'm immune to toxins and poisons, thanks to my own research, but I know for a fact you're not. You're going to die of a poison kiss. And isn't that just what you deserve? You would have killed me with a kiss if you could, Jason. But you didn't. I lived. And I grew. Using both my plant and my human side, I grew. I adapted to my weakness, I turned it into strength. I took the victim that you created and made her invincible. It's a shame you were never strong enough to do that."

"Ivy, you have to give him the antidote," muttered Batman. "You can't take his life."

"He took mine, Batman," she whispered, smiling at the panic in Jason's eyes. "Understand what justice is, for once, and watch it work. Isn't it glorious?" she whispered.

"Pamela…Pamela, please," gasped Jason.

"What's that, darling?" she whispered. "Speak up - I can't hear you."

"Pamela…I'm sorry," he gasped. "I'm sorry, I…please don't do this. Please let me live. Please…we have so much we can accomplish…together…"

"Let me kiss you goodnight, lover," she whispered. "Goodbye, Jason."

She kissed him again, leaving her mouth against his until he stopped moving. She drew away from his lifeless eyes, twisted in pain and fear, and saw the reflection of her own hard, merciless ones in them. And yet a single tear trickled down her face, which she wiped away hurriedly.

She turned to face Batman as the Pod People released him, sinking to their knees and bowing submissively to her. "There's justice," she said, nodding at Jason's body. "You'll never know what it feels like. But it feels good."

Batman said nothing, approaching her with batcuffs held out. He felt the plants in the room tense, about to defend her, but she raised a hand, hushing them. "Those aren't necessary," she murmured. "I'll go back to Arkham willingly. My work here is done."


	9. Chapter 9

"How's your leg, Harvey?" asked Ivy, as she emerged from her cell in Arkham the next morning, taking a seat next to Two-Face at the breakfast table.

"Still not great," replied Two-Face. "But I guess that'll happen when a ceiling falls on it, and then you have to run away from a buncha killer plants."

"You still whining about that damn leg of yours?" asked Joker, clutching his bandaged head. "Some of us have worse wounds, y'know! Cause we got beat up by the Bat for no reason!"

"He did apologize, Mr. J," said Harley.

"Well, I didn't hear it!" snapped Joker. "And he didn't even send me flowers, or a card…I mean, it's the least he could have done! I'll be happy with a beating when I've done something wrong, but I was on Batsy's side in this thing! And I missed Woody's death! All that buildup and the fun happened offscreen! Is there anything more anti-climactic than a joke with no punchline?"

"Aw, cheer up, Mr. J!" said Harley, nuzzling him. "I got a way to make you feel better! You can take a trip in your Harley's Tunnel of Love, if you get what I'm saying."

"I think everyone just got what you were saying, Harley," said Ivy, rolling her eyes.

"And we really wish we didn't," added Two-Face.

"I ain't in the mood - I'm still angry at you, pooh," snapped Joker. "And at Bats, for not being able to recognize the real me in an army of bodysnatchers. After all we've been through together! I want you both grovelling at my feet, the way I hear Woody was toward the end."

"It's a good lesson for you, J," said Ivy, casually. "Don't trust that the things you break are gonna stay broken forever. And don't be so sure that the people you trample on won't rise up one day and crush you back," she said, nodding pointedly at Harley, who sighed and knelt down on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. J!" she exclaimed. "Please, please, please don't be angry at me anymore! Please say you wanna go in Harley's Tunnel of Love! Harley really, really, really wants her puddin's big, strong canoe to plunge in and outta there a couple times…"

"Oh God, Harley!" interrupted Two-Face. "Can you both please stop with the images!"

"How do you even know what we're talking about?" demanded Harley. "We're saying completely innocent things – if your dirty mind connects it to sex, that's your own problem, not ours!"

Ivy and Two-Face shared a look as Harley returned to grovelling. "Please, Mr. J! Please, please, please! I'll do anything to make it up to ya!"

"Anything?" Joker repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You'd dunk the clown?"

She nodded vigorously. "Ring the bell? Inflate the whoopie cushion? Shock the joy buzzer? Beat the rubber chicken? Toss the ring? Whack the mole? Bump the cars?" he continued.

She kept nodding. "But you told me you didn't like bumping the cars," he said, eyebrows narrowing.

"I don't, but I'll do it for you, puddin'!" she cried.

He whistled. "I guess you really must be sorry. All right, Harley," he said, helping her up. "Let's go pay a little visit to the funfair."

"Oh, Mr. J!" purred Harley, throwing her arms adoringly around his neck. "And you can do anything you want to me, puddin', forever and ever! Your Harley girl loves it all!"

They left the cafeteria hand in hand. "You think those chumps actually think we were talking about sex?" chuckled Joker.

"With their filthy minds? Course they do, puddin'," giggled Harley.

He laughed, patting her on the head. "Nice work, kiddo," he murmured, kissing her. "Now let's bust outta here and find a funfair, just like we said!"

"You have to be gentle on the bumper cars this time, though, puddin' – I swear I got whiplash last time," said Harley as they headed for the loose bars on the window to the infirmary.

"Ok, after thinking about what all that could possibly mean, I've gotta go be sick somewhere," said Two-Face, struggling to his feet and leaning on his crutch.

"Well, if your leg's still bothering you, come see me in my cell when you're done," said Ivy. "I think I have something that can help with the pain."

He looked at her. "Is…that a euphemism?"

She smiled. "It's a drug," she said, holding up a vial. "Made from some of the remains of Jason's plants. Combine it with some other herbs, and it's a pretty powerful healing formula. So even he had a beneficial use in the end."

Her face fell slightly. "Uh…here," she said, handing it to him. "Excuse me."

And she headed back to her cell. Two-Face looked from the antidote to where she had disappeared, and then followed her, hobbling over to her cell.

"You ok?" he asked, as he saw her seated on her bed, softly petting the Pamela Isley flowers.

"Sure," she said. "I'm glad he's dead, really."

"But?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

She sighed. "I…wanted him to be different," she whispered. "I knew he wasn't, deep down, but…I wanted him to be. I mean, I was really in love with him at the time, Harvey. And I still remember what that felt like. And how much it hurt when he…y'know."

"I know," he said, nodding.

She was silent. "I know he's dead," she murmured. "But I'm going to think about him every day. I can't escape from him – what he did to me. He…he did create me, in a way."

Two-Face pointed to his face. "You think I let Sal Maroni take credit for this?" he asked. "Yeah, he made this happen to my face. But I made Two-Face. You know what they all expected me to do after the accident? Break down. Waste away in some hospital. I didn't do that. I fought back. And so the guy who hurt me didn't win. He wanted to break me. He didn't do that. And the same is true for you and Jason. You should be celebrating, Pam."

"I should," she agreed. "But I don't really feel like it. That's what's bothering me."

The flowers trailed along her fingers. "Jason said he named these flowers after me because he thought that's what I was," she murmured. "Beautiful, gentle, delicate, tender. I guess he didn't know me that well after all."

"I think he was right about that though," said Two-Face, nodding.

She smiled at him. "Appearances are always deceiving, aren't they?" she asked. "I thought Jason had to be wonderful when I first met him because he was so handsome and caring on the surface. I didn't think that could possibly hide a personality so hideous. He taught me that about life too. In an odd way, I'm grateful to him. He made me who I am today. Most of it was my doing, of course, but the initial spark was his."

Two-Face raised the vial. "You want to toast him?"

Ivy nodded. "For old time's sake. Why not?"

She beckoned the flowers to bring a glass of water over to her. "To Jason Woodrue," she said. "May he rot in hell."

"Cheers," agreed Two-Face, downing the vial in one gulp. He sighed. "Christ, that already feels better," he said, glancing at his leg.

"It's fast acting," she agreed. "Should be useful any time any one of us has a nasty run in with the Bat. But don't tell J about it," she added, grinning.

"Lips are sealed," he agreed.

They were silent again. "It's funny, isn't it?" he asked at last. "Not J's ha ha funny, but just…kinda weird. Jason hurt you, but outta that pain came Poison Ivy. Jason tried to create a buncha killer plants, and outta that comes a drug that helps heal humanity."

"You saying we actually should have toasted him?" laughed Ivy.

"I'm saying out of horrible things can come really great things," he murmured. "I just think that's kinda funny."

"What, you mean like Two-Face coming outta Harvey Dent?" asked Ivy, grinning.

"Obviously a reverse situation there," muttered Two-Face.

She smiled at him. "I don't think so," she murmured, putting a hand on his scarred face. "I mean, I tried to kill Harvey Dent, after all. Never thought that one day he'd save my life."

She dropped her hand suddenly. "But then I do have the weirdest exes," she added, grinning.

"Tell me about it," he agreed. "Some kinda tree guy and a guy with half a face. You sure can pick 'em, Pam," he said, standing up without the use of his crutch.

"Better than Harley," she said.

"Not saying much," he retorted.

She shrugged. "Well, no regrets," she murmured. "Every guy I've dated, everything they've done to me, and every choice I've made has made me who I am today. And I don't think I've done too badly outta all of it."

"You don't need a coin to make decisions, so that's a step up from me," he said, heading for the door.

She caught his arm. "You need a coin to make this one?" she asked, kissing him tenderly.

He gazed at her. "Maybe eventually," he murmured.

"But right now?" she asked.

He grinned, pushing her down on the bed. "What do you think I am, Pammie? Crazy?"

**The End**


End file.
